Category: Articles

It is important for one’s survival to be assertive about certain matters of safety. If you are in a vehicle with a ‘tipsy’ driver speeding on the highway, having consumed more than two drinks, and you stay quiet; you are contributing to criminal negligence.

You may be on your way to hurting another person in the oncoming vehicle, a pedestrian on the sidewalk or on the verge of hurting yourself and your friends in your vehicle. You may not be the trigger but you are part of a vehicle that has the potential to become a weapon of mass destruction.

To stay quiet and peaceful, if that is possible at all, is not an option.  If you do, you are being negligent and criminally so. You are being passive, in the moment when assertiveness is required.

Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for your rights, opinions, ideas, beliefs and desires while at the same time respecting those of others. In this case, your passivity ignores your need for safety and self preservation. Assertiveness is the emotionally intelligent way of having your needs met; it takes into account your thoughts, ideas and feelings as well as those of the other party in a way that works to your mutual benefit. Assertiveness is communicated both through the words you use and the way you use them, and through body messages. Stand up, speak up, and raise an alarm for the safety of yourself and others.

 

Psychologists have long recognized  that parenting styles have a profound effect on the formation of children’s character. Among the most influential findings is Diana Baumrind’s description of three major styles. See if you can identify which style is closest to yours. Remember there are very few “pure” parenting styles, so think more in terms of a tendency than an exact description.

 

AUTHORITARIAN: “Iron Rod”

• Attempts to shape and control a child’s behaviour according to a set standard of conduct, usually an absolute standard. Excessive force and punishment used with little concern for the child’s needs.
• Obedience valued and forceful measures favoured to curb self-will when child’s actions or beliefs conflict with parents idea of right conduct. Involves inconsistent demands that magnify parent’s authority.
• No verbal give-and-take encouraged. The belief is that the child should accept the parent’s version of what is right. A harsh, dictatorial style. An unsympathetic, cold manner from an impatient, angry, uncontrolled adult who magnifies the child’s wrong-doing.

 

Consequences: Destruction of a child’s cheerfulness and ambition, broken will, indecision, nervousness, an “I don’t care” spirit and determined rebellion.

 

PERMISSIVE: “Do as you please”

• A non-punitive, accepting, affirmative manner towards child’s impulses, desires and actions. Treats children as pets or ignores behaviour. Allows child to regulate his/her own activities and to rule. Avoids exercising control and does not encourage obedience of parental standards.
• Parents presents self as a resource for child to use as he/she wishes, but not as a active agent responsible for altering child’s behaviour. Blindly indulges.
• Makes few demands. Consults child about policy decision and gives explanations for family rules.
• Coaxes and bribes. Submit to a child’s will.

 

Consequences: Open rebellion from child who defies authority. Creates stubborn self-will in child who follows own headstrong, ungoverned will and uses deceit/evasion to avoid punishment.

 

AUTHORATIVE: “With love and firmness”

• Seeks to direct child’s activities but in a rational, manner with consistent limits. Considerate of child’s needs. Does not hem the child in with restrictions but exerts firm control at points of parent-child divergence.
• Has warm relationship with child and shows acceptance, love and kindness. Uses great tact and gentleness and demonstrates empathy and understanding. Parent is self-controlled.
• Set standards for conduct and uses reason as well as power to achieve objectives. Is firm, patient, loving and reasonable and does not see self as always right. Encourages verbal give-and-take and shares with the child the reasoning behind parent’s policy. Teaches child to reason and make choices. Values both autonomous self-will and disciplined conformity.

Results: Preserves self-respect of child and inspires with courage. Child obeys from principle not compulsion or desire to avoid punishment. Leads to strong self-esteem, self-discipline, self-control and strong moral character. Results not apparent at once but develop over a lifetime.

 

( Written by Arlene Amann-Maximay, M.Sc., first published in EAP/LINK March 2004)

Sometimes we need to do things together that we cannot do alone. Our talents and skills are challenged by others and the project flows as if some new passionate wellspring has been tapped. Our strengths combine in ways that give us opportunities that we would not have otherwise to fly higher than we have flown by ourselves before. We give from a place that is deeper than we usually give, and receive more than we expect. We reach out to something greater than ourselves.

Just like the brown grass of the savannah at the first rainfall of the wet season suddenly together reach to the sky, the flowers to the sun and the waves to the shore. Then the sky, the sun and the shore respond to the outreach from the wellsprings of nature’s teamwork for all to enjoy a glorious evening.

So teamwork demands a level of trust and cooperation among workers and between the organization and employees. It is the great opportunity to believe that we are part of a greater project. There must be the belief that others will always be there, present and supportive, creating an atmosphere of inter-dependence, making promises that will be kept. There must be belief too, that the organization will, appreciate and create space for the release of energy.

Do not allow yourself to be locked into a workplace where the opposite happens. Where infighting abounds and workers feel unable to express themselves, feeling watched, trapped, angry, criticized, uncared for. Where employees see others harassed, poorly treated, afraid of being fired, all of which create negative energy in the workplace. You do not deserve to be there.

You are supposed to be where positive energy spreads through the workplace, in the place where people give one another the opportunity that each of them requires in order to reach his or her fullest potential. You begin to like being with co-workers and colleagues and getting to know them, and their getting to know you. This is the great miracle of knowing and becoming known.

Of course boundaries must be respected. This does not mean that you tell everyone everything about yourself all the time. It means that for the energy to flow, openness and appreciation of others and the organization must be allowed to happen.  Limitations are recognized and through the trust and cooperation, the opportunity presents itself for workers with unhealthy behaviours and lifestyle habits to more easily access help.

Teamwork is a sure way for organizations to solve the productivity puzzle.

Written by Dr Gerald Lewis 

We all know the saying, “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” Well for work organizations, it may not be true.  In recent years, there has been a wide range of events that have dramatically impacted the public and private sector work place.  From large scale events such as natural disasters to “smaller” tragedies such as the tragic death of an employee, the business environment is very vulnerable to incidents that can cause immediate as well as long term effect to the individual workers, departments and, in fact the entire work place.

 

What we know is that people are very resilient and most are able to overcome dramatic and traumatic events… as long as they feel supported.  However, most workplaces tend to take a near sighted view: “Let’s get back to work as soon as possible. People will feel better with business as usual.”  While most workers can and will do so, often the reactions to the event may be delayed or emerge in a variety of ways that do not seem connected to the tragedy. As an example, there was a factory in which an individual was killed while walking to his car after work.  Of course there was a funeral and the workplace sent flowers to the family.

 

However, the company made several errors in its approach to this tragedy:

1. Workers had to use their personal time to attend the funeral;
2. Nothing was said to the workforce by the “higher ups” as they were advised that to do so, may lead to litigation by the family as the worker was walking to his car after work;
3. The employee had been with the company for 15 years and had developed close friendships… some could not return to work right away and they were docked some pay;
4. Within a week, the company discontinued the employee’s benefits and the wife and children were left without benefits.

 

Within a month, 3 skilled employees left the company. There was an epidemic of others calling in sick.  This resulted in internal stress and people fighting with each other over who was working the hardest. Management attempted to deal with this by strict discipline which led to a greater decrease in morale.  Within 6 months, sales dropped dramatically. Layoffs ensued.